Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
