On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
