at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
