Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
