I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
