I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
