The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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