VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
