I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
