Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
