i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
