honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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