I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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