Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
