Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
