Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
