Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
