I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
