dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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