I hate all girls vehemently.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
