260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
