Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize