I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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