youre lurking in front of me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
