Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
