My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
