Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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