I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
