I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
