My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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