I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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