Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
