roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
