Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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