I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
