I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
