I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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