apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
