dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you never un-have a 4some
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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