Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
