My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
