i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
