i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
