I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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