he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
