I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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