I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize