We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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