just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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