Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
