I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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