I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
