can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
