took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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