I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
