you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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