You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
