She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
