I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
