420 ftw
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
