Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
