he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
