I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
