You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
