It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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