why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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