nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
