i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize