Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
