hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
