i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
