Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
