I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
